I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
