I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
