just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
