Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
