Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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