i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
