I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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