She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
