So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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