i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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