idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
