the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
