i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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