can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
this is an emotional support booty call
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
