No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
