My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize