His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
