Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
