You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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