I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
