I heard we made out
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
