You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
