Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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