he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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