i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's even glitter on my cock...
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