So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
