Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
