my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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