in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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