I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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