I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize