I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
