the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
