You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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