I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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