The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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