I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
