Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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