Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize