An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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