Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
