Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
