you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
