I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
