did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
