Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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