Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
