have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
