Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
