do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We have started to decorate penises.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
