Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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