dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am midnight drunk by noon
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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