yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
