The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
