I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
