Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
