people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
