Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize