I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
