About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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