im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
