Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
