Im at strip club and am horny
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
