forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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