and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
