I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can text with my tongue
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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