Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
