My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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