i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
