It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
