I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wear drunk well.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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