still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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