theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize