i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
