When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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