Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dicks are not precious.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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