WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think people are normalizing furries
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
