I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
