On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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