And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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