i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
