His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
