I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
